Bad Exposition

While I am ashamed to admit that I have heard worse exposition of Biblical texts, I thought I’d give a couple (funny) examples of what bad exposition of a text would look like. These are in no way accurate depictions of the text or applicational points that can be drawn from Scripture (not in the text quoted or anywhere, for that matter). The only place that such exposition may be of use would be on TBN (and I’ve heard some horrible exposition on TBN). However, I solemnly warn you not to live by the application, or seek to exegete a passage in this way. Let these serve as example of what not to do (Bible verses quoted from the NIV).

Luke 5:5-25

^“5In the time of Herod king of Judea there was a priest named Zechariah, who belonged to the priestly division of Abijah; his wife Elizabeth was also a descendant of Aaron. ⁶Both of them were upright in the sight of God, observing all the Lord's commandments and regulations blamelessly. ⁷But they had no children, because Elizabeth was barren; and they were both well along in years. ⁸Once when Zechariah's division was on duty and he was serving as priest before God, ⁹he was chosen by lot, according to the custom of the priesthood, to go into the temple of the Lord and burn incense. ¹⁰And when the time for the burning of incense came, all the assembled worshipers were praying outside. ¹¹Then an angel of the Lord appeared to him, standing at the right side of the altar of incense. ¹²When Zechariah saw him, he was startled and was gripped with fear. ¹³But the angel said to him: “Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard. Your wife Elizabeth will bear you a son, and you are to give him the name John. ¹⁴He will be a joy and delight to you, and many will rejoice because of his birth, ¹⁵for he will be great in the sight of the Lord. He is never to take wine or other fermented drink, and he will be filled with the Holy Spirit even from birth.^{[a] 16}Many of the people of Israel will he bring back to the Lord their God. ¹⁷And he will go on before the Lord, in the spirit and power of Elijah, to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the disobedient to the wisdom of the righteous–to make ready a people prepared for the Lord.” ¹⁸Zechariah asked the angel, “How can I be sure of this? I am an old man and my wife is well along in years.” ¹⁹The angel answered, “I am Gabriel. I stand in the presence of God, and I have been sent to speak to you and to tell you this good news. ²⁰And now you will be silent and not able to speak until the day this happens, because you did not believe my words, which will come true at their proper time.” ²¹Meanwhile, the people were waiting for Zechariah and wondering why he stayed so long in the temple. ²²When he came out, he could not speak to them. They realized he had seen a vision in the temple, for he kept making signs to them but remained unable to speak. ²³When his time of service was completed, he returned home. ²⁴After this his wife Elizabeth became pregnant and for five months remained in seclusion. ²⁵“The Lord has done this for me,” she said. “In these days he has shown his favor and taken away my disgrace among the people.”

Notice with me in the text today that Zacharias and Elizabeth were without child, since Elizabeth was barren, and they were now advanced in years. God had something in store for them, as He had for Abraham. God was about to sovereignly intervene some thrust into their love life.

To cause this, God sent Gabriel to speak with Zacharias. Zacharias, because he did not heed and believe the angel, was struck mute. The Lord knew that this work; putting an added “zing” in their love life.

This worked! We are told that after this, when Zacharias went home, Elizabeth became pregnant.

So this is what we have to learn from this today, brothers and sisters. For those of you who are without children, God has a sure cure. Men, stop talking to your wives. As long as you two keep yapping, there ain’t nothin’ gonna occur in bed. Husbands, if you stop talking to your wives then you’re sure to make babies. After this you can go back to talking at night all you want.

And for those of you who don’t desire children, at least not at the moment, there is a sure fire way given here that’ll keep you from ever having to by contraceptives again. Men, keep talking with your wives. Clearly Zacharias and Elizabeth’s problem was that they kept chattin’. If you keep on talking, there ain’t no way them babies is comin’.

Mark 4:35 begins, “That day when evening came, he said to his disciples, “Let us go over to the other side.” ³⁶Leaving the crowd behind, they took him along, just as he was, in the boat. There were also other boats with him. ³⁷A furious squall came up, and the waves broke over the boat, so that it was nearly swamped. ³⁸Jesus was in the stern, sleeping on a cushion.”

Brothers and sisters! We have a clear word today on how to have effective ministries. We are to be imitators of Christ, the Bible says. Now let us consider how Jesus reacted when troubles came. He slept! Slept like a baby! Though waves threatened to destroy all that He had worked for and all His plans, He slept! Haleluia! Haleluia, Haleluia! (Sorry, that often accompanies bad preaching.)

We must do the same. Adam slept and God gave him a wife (cue the organ). Can I get an ‘amen.’ Amen. In the same way, Jesus slept through the troubles and trials that were coming. Brothers and sisters, especially you leader folk, when troubling times come in your ministry, such as discensions that threaten to tear your church apart; or people are trapped in struggles with sin, haleluia, just do nothing. In fact, take a nap. The Bible nowhere says God helps those who help themselves. So just let it pass. Have nothing to do with it. Just mind your own business and let the troubles do their thing.